|This is MY life
||[Jul. 15th, 2005|09:35 pm]
I keep telling myself that I can't stay eighteen forever. That we have to grow up for our own good. There are things and people that I will miss dearly. There are other things and people that I couldn't care less about. I had this in my profile awhile ago but it still holds true... I am who I am and I do what I want. I'm so afraid of the future. Yes I'm excited about it yet at the same time I'm absolutely terrified of it. Because I don't know what's going to happen. Because I don't completely know what I want out of my life. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose everything when I go away. I think that if I go away everyone will change or maybe I'll change and it just won't be the same anymore. I just want to gather up everyone I care about together so none of us would have to say goodbye.
My hair looks nice. They followed my orders to a T. I like it.
I'm still shopping for college. I got a huge amount of clothes and towels. Two bedsheet sets, slippers, sneakers, a blanket, a comforter, a pillow case and a rug. Still I have about a million other things I need to buy. It's so weird going to bed bath and beyond and thinking hmm.. I'm going to need one of those. It's really starting to hit me that I am moving away from home. Only an hour away but still. I won a gift basket from Bloomsburg. It has a candle and restaurant gift certifices which really is just what I need. Still no matter how much I have I'm always going to want more and whatever I have I'll always want something different.
Des and I had the kind of talk last night that only best friends have. We talked about how much we changed and how much other people changed. Who broke our hearts and who we can't believe we ever dated. How she's going to come visit me at Blooms and not to worry because we'll always be friends. I need to be reassured about these things because people I thought would be there aren't anymore. I've come to realize that as the older I get the more and more I go back to the people who were with me the beginning. That's just the way it is.
My annual summer tradition will be taking place sometime next week for those of you who know what I'm talking about. Only half of the people who were there last time won't be there this time.